I want my dog to play with other dogs

Um, you might want to rethink that . . .

The concept of socialisation is so often misconstrued as teaching a dog to “play” with other dogs. Socialisation is not about getting your dog to interact with other dogs, it is about not needing to interact with every dog they come across.

I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t interact with every person I pass in the street or every person who happens to be in the same restaurant as me. I do my thing and they do theirs and we are polite and respectful of each other and each other’s personal space. We don’t need to interact. And nobody needs to hold me back while I lunge and cry to get to them! Of course, sometimes a situation arises where you engage and strike up a conversation, but it doesn’t usually move straight to hugs and kisses and sharing intimate details about your life. Most people are not going to be happy about someone they don’t know getting in their face uninvited and over zealously. So why do we expect our dogs to meet and be “friends” and “play” with every dog they come across?

This great quote from trainer Chad Mackin says it all:

“Understand, a poorly socialised, but friendly dog, can easily start a fight that he’s not looking for or prepared for. If I ran up to every stranger I met and tried to hug them, sooner or later someone would punch me in the face.”

Clients often come to me with a goal of having their dogs “play” with other dogs. They will say something along the lines of, “when we go to the dog park, he doesn’t get involved in the play fighting, running and rough and tumbling with other dogs. I want him to join in and have fun.” My answer is always, “no, you don’t”.

If this is you, and unless he is hiding behind you in fear or running for the dog park gate with his tail between his legs, then I would say you already have a well socialised dog. If your dog can calmly meet another dog, have a sniff, and then wander off, that is ideal. Even more ideal is having a dog that has no real interest in meeting another dog and is happy to be in the vicinity of other dogs but do his own thing. I would much rather him play with you. Ever see those dogs that are playing ball with their owner and don’t even look at another dog, even when it’s right in his face? The truth is, the moment the rest of the world is so much more interesting than you that your dog stops checking in with you regularly (whether it’s a look in your direction or coming back in to you and moving off again), you are at risk of not being able to control an unsafe situation that may arise.

It is important to understand that, when it comes to dogs, play isn’t really play. It is most often an assessment of each other and where and how they fit in whatever social group they are in at the time. That doesn’t necessarily sound like a lot fun to me.

Sure, if the dogs hit it off ok then it can become play, but there is always more to it. And yes, dogs that live together can play together, but throw another dog in the mix and things can go pear-shaped pretty quickly. Not to mention good old fashioned sibling rivalry, which means every game can quickly turn into a competition and therefore end in tears (well at least that's how it worked with my brother and me). Watching for the signs that a dog is “playing” inappropriately is very important when it comes to off-lead interactions. When one dog indicates that he has had enough, if the other can’t read that then there is likely to be a fight or at least some “words”. Or if one dog is too full-on with the play, too excitable, too pushy, or has not learnt to control nipping and biting etc. Interrupting the play before it turns into a fight is very important.

Below is a link to a great video on dogs “playing”. Tyler Muto is a master at interpreting dog body language and his commentary in this video is enlightening. It also explains very clearly the role of dominance in the canine world, a concept that is often misinterpreted and misunderstood. Dominance is not about aggression, but about keeping harmony. However, poorly socialised dogs can display dominant behaviours inappropriately and this can get them into trouble. As a side note, while dogs have their own shifting hierarchies depending on the social situation they are in, when it comes to our own relationship with our dogs dominance isn’t really part of the picture. Many dog behaviours that people see as dominant are really good opportunities to ask for manners from our dog (but that’s a whole other topic for another time).

Link: Play is rarely just play

There are always exceptions and I’m not saying don’t go to a dog park or let your dog interact with another dog. What I will say is the best way to get your pooch dog park ready is by teaching him a rock-solid recall. If your dog doesn’t have a reliable recall, what chance do you have of getting him out of a situation where you can see play escalating towards a fight? Check out our top tips for a reliable recall here.

Of course, what you can’t control is other people and their relationship with their dog. If they don’t have a reliable recall and their dog keeps coming for yours, can you get out of there safely without a fight? So often, the presence of owners and lots of hands grabbing at collars can increase the chance of a fight or escalate the level of aggression if dogs are already in a fight. I don’t frequent dog parks much, but when I do, I check out who is there. If it’s dogs that we know or have met before and I feel comfortable, we stay. If the energy and arousal levels are too high, I usually leave because there is a good chance of scuffles or a fight breaking out.

Just like people, not all dogs get along with all dogs. Some dogs will be fine together and others will not. You cannot force a dog to get along with all dogs, but you can teach them manners. Teach them to be polite but not necessarily engage. Ultimately, if your dog has strong engagement with and focus on you, he can be happy around but not need to interact with every dog he sees.

---

Jacqui Triggs, Trainer

Read about Jacqui

Contact Jacqui